IMAGINE THAT!

Imagine if you were invited to spend the Christmas holidays at a hotel overlooking the ocean on the southeast coast of England, complete with excellent French cuisine served in a stately dining room, dancing in a magnificent ballroom and relaxing in a well-stocked library.  Sounds like a memorable way to spend a vacation, right?

If you were to pay a visit to the Pennyfoot Hotel, however, you might find a few drawbacks. Your first impression upon entering the majestic foyer will likely be pleasurable.  There will be wreaths everywhere - on the walls, hanging from the bannisters of the grand curving staircase, and pinned to every door.  The fragrance of pine and cedar will fill the air.

There will be a Christmas tree decorated with figurines and glass balls.  The candles on the tree will be lit at night for a short time, and heavily monitored.  There is always a danger of the tree catching fire. 

A uniformed footman will greet you at your carriage and escort you to the reception desk.  You might have to wake up Philip, the reception clerk.  He tends to doze, but I assure you, he will take good care of you once he’s awake.  

You may climb three flights of stairs to your room.  Since there is only one bathroom to each floor, a chamber pot is provided for emergencies.  A maid will bring you a wash bowl and a jug of hot water each morning.  She may wake you up a tad early, as she has many wash bowls to deliver, and carrying each one up four floors from the kitchen takes time.

The maid will also light the fire for you in the fireplace.  I would suggest that you stay under the covers until the room warms up, or you could suffer mild frostbite.  Of course, if you do that, the hot water in the jug will be quite cool.  

You will be expected to dress formally for breakfast in the dining room.  You will be served whatever the chef decides to prepare.  Perhaps steamed finnan haddie with a poached egg, followed by a plate loaded with scrambled eggs, sausage, ham, bacon, fried tomatoes, fried mushrooms and toast.   They eat well at the seaside.

The morning is yours to explore the hotel, visit the nearby town or simply rest in the library.  Just be sure to return to the dining room by one p.m., since your midday meal will be served, consisting, perhaps, of fresh grapefruit, mulligatawny soup, followed by roast pork and apple sauce, with trifle for dessert. 

You will have just an hour or so to rest before afternoon tea is served.  You will enjoy tiny crustless sandwiches of fish paste and watercress, scones with strawberry jam and Devonshire cream, and an assortment of pastries.

Your evening meal will be served at seven p.m., after which some form of entertainment will be available.  Many of the gentlemen enjoy a game of chance in the card rooms below stairs next to the wine cellar.  Care has to be taken, however, not to mention the fact, since gambling in hotels is illegal. 

You will spend your Christmas with British aristocracy, influential businessmen and the downstairs members of the staff.  You may meet Cecily Baxter, the owner of the Pennyfoot.  She is a shrewd, tenacious lady, with an eagle eye and a penchant for solving the most intricate murders.  Which is fortunate, since dead bodies appear with alarming frequency in the hotel. 

Her husband, Baxter, has a gruff manner and a soft heart.  You might be served by Gertie, the head housemaid.  She’s tough, forthright and peppers her conversation with curse words.

Michel is an excellent chef, though his French accent is completely fake.  Mrs. Chubb, the housekeeper, also bakes, while keeping a strict eye on her unruly maids.   

If you would like to meet all of the diverse and occasional eccentric inhabitants, I suggest you go back in time this Christmas season to the Edwardian era and visit the Pennyfoot Hotel in A MERRY MURDER.  I promise you a memorable trip.  Happy Reading!